Welcome to the world of Childfreedom, because some people WILL undoubtedly love their pets more than kids.

*Not all childfree people want pets either, but that’s just part of the whole picture.

*This post is guaranteed to piss people off, but hey, opinions are like assholes.

Bottom line of this post is getting people to understand, and others who agree that some people are NOT EVER going to be interested in kids.
Even going beyond the idea of a nine month leech devouring the life out of every bodily function until it rips its way out of you, and even going further than idea that some people insist that humans are automatically conditioned to breed. Not to mention the years of teaching it to walk and talk, only to spend another decade telling it to sit down and shut up; this is why -more than likely- childfree people will always pick an adorable animal over some stinkin’ fetus.

Lets do a direct comparison of why kids are NOT “so worth it” to us.
Plenty of animals are known to age differently than humans, whether they have longer or shorter life spans, may adapt a sense of empathy- but even knowing all of this stuff, have you ever asked yourself why?

Compare a 1 year old puppy to a one year old child.
Whether or not the puppy is trained yet, they have this lovely behavior they do (which is, running around in a circle) just to let you know they have the urgent need to poop. Maybe some whining will be involved, some kicking and scratching. But more than likely, if you’re sitting there watching, you’ll be able to have enough time to put the leash on, or lead it right to the paper or grass so it can do its thing. After a few months of consistent training, it just might be able to find the paper by itself and poop on its own, and then come back to you all happy and poop-free for you to go clean up later.
The one year old child on the other hand, you may not know it’s taking a hot nasty dump in its diapers until you smell it’s hot rancidness wafting throughout your house and overpowering your evening dinner’s scent.Then it’ll scream and cry for hours because now it has a shitty wet diaper that you have to go clean immediately else it’ll create infection. Playing a rough game of fetch with a one year old kid will probably have you sent to the slammer for child endangerment.

I know, I know, I can hear it now from parents, ITS NOT EASY, ITS REWARDING!

Sure. Lets fast forward about five years.

Six year old dog vs. six year old kid.
Six year old dog’s been living with you, he’s (or she*) set in his ways, maybe discovering more about himself, getting hormonal if he isn’t snipped, and just being your lovely companion. He knows to protect you and he knows to poop in the grass. He might eat some chocolate and puke it up again, and you can scold him and he will eventually GET IT. Chocolate=Puke. Puke=Bad. Chocolate=Bad. simple logic. You can watch TV together until he has to go poop. Take a walk and get some exercise in. Give him a bone and he’ll chew on that and not the leg of your favorite chair.
Most six year old kids these days, you can’t even get them out of bed without them bitching about it unless there’s some massive reward in the end like a $60 video game. You can’t watch TV with them because every commercial advertises some new gadget for kids that YOUR KID WILL LOVE (Note: future blog “Why Your Kids are Profitable”)* your kid starts going I WANT I WANT I WANT until you cave in and buy them $100 worth of microscopic rubber bands that end up on your floor the next day. your kid eats too much chocolate, you’re gonna have to stop your life and nurse them back to health while they bitch about having a stomach ache when you probably told them “don’t eat too much”.

Yep, I know “NOT ALL KIDS ARE LIKE THAT”, but a vast majority of them are, they’re called really bratty human beings, and it’s probably genetic. It would be wise NOT to bring more of them into the world just because you felt compelled to “create somebody” so they can grow up to “be somebody”, while you spend the next 18+ years doing, hmm, nobody. (Reasons why you should adopt instead are infinite.)

Speaking of doing nobody, lets take it to 12 years.
12 year old dog vs. 12 year old kid.
Dog is grown up, faithful companion, and with luck and good food, probably doesn’t have many health problems. Poops in the same direction and still loves to watch TV and sniff butts. Gets groomed every once in a while, mails trimmed, hair did, ears cleaned, the works, and he looks GREAT, HAPPY, and gorgeous playing fetch.
12 year old kid walks out of school with his shirt soaked in fruit punch because he squeezed the box wrong. Kid reaches puberty and you have to throw their ick-soiled drawers in the wash because they had a wet dream more than likely about their own mother (hi Freud, how u doin). Kid gets bullied because some other asshole made another asshole to be an asshole to everyone around them, ESPECIALLY your kid with the soiled shirt. (Reasons NOT to breed #…Cannon fodder for assholes in an asshole society.) Homework? Like anybody remembers how to multiply or solve a quadratic after 12 years of cleaning nothing but crayon drawings and baby shit.

Childfree people, like myself, refuse to step onto the speeding train of “look what I made, this is going to be GREAT” and being deluded by “child voices” and “laughter”, which can be equally as obnoxious as adult laughter in a bar full of drunks. Creating something to put into the future just so you can say you made something is not only selfish, but puts more pressure on your offspring to actually meet whatever conditions you place upon it. To “give new life” to a human being only to put them in a world where they’ll be criticized for independent thought and not following the “you must do this or else” herd is cruelty, not a necessity, and sure as hell isn’t rocket science. Your DNA split and combined and developed into a zygote- not a “miracle”. 

So really, appreciate the efforts childfree people make to not pollute the planet with more destructive human beings. Things would be a lot different if people handled their situation -now- before waiting for the outcome of their precious “futures”. Looking for the future to be any better is pointless if you aren’t acting upon your desires NOW. You want peace? Start making it now. You want to put assholes in their place once and for all? Do it now. You want to stop cruelty, abuse, war, famine, and ill fated death? Don’t breed for someone else to do the dirty work. Don’t like the system? Adopt people OUT of it. Pull the penis out of your vagina and go do something, now. Life is too short to waste it on reproducing empty fruit.


About Myrna Dragonchild

~ Coming soon! :) ~
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